Harry Potter and the Purple Llamas
by Coventina
Summary: MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA PURPLE LLAMAS WILL RULE THE WORLD!!!!!
1. and it starts

Harry Potter and the Purple Llamas  
  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter, Sailor Moon, the Girl with ESP, Supreme Pre, the Purple Llamas, and orange bananas do not belong to me. DO NOT SUE ME, AND, PRE AND LIBBY IF YOU EVER READ THIS DO NOT BE MAD AT ME I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Narrator: It was a fine day on 57 Privet Drive, but on 4 privet drive, however it was not  
  
Dudley: Help!!!!!! I'm being attacked by purple llamas!  
  
Harry: HUH???  
  
Sailor Moon: Theif!! You stole my llamas I will sic my long legged friends on you!!!  
  
Girl w/ ESP: Huh? What am I doing here, I don't even like Harry Potter  
  
Harry: (hurt) How can you not like me?? Everybody loves Harry Potter. I am an international celebrity because.  
  
Supreme Pre: Shove it!  
  
Excitable Flute Player at Band Camp: My name is still too long.  
  
Girl w/ ESP: then change it you are the one writing the fic, dumbass.  
  
Excitable Flute Player at Band Camp: ::pouts:: FINE!!! I shall now be known as Padma!  
  
Harry: Uh.. Excuse me, but a girl in my school already has that name. It would be a bit confusing, don't you think?  
  
Padma: OK, what should my name be then?  
  
SP: John  
  
Girl w/ ESP: Jacob  
  
Llama: Jingle  
  
Harry: Heimer  
  
Dudley: Smitt!!!!!!  
  
Padma: uh. no.  
  
::Petunia Enters::  
  
Petunia: ARGH!!!!  
  
Padma: I like it, I shall hereby be called Argh!!  
  
::Petunia Starts Chasing everybody around with a broom::  
  
Petunia: OUT OUT OUT OUT!!!!!!!!!  
  
Supreme Pre: Harry, who's the brood?  
  
G w/ ESP: His aunt who hates him, I have ESP you know.  
  
Harry: Damn, You are good.  
  
Argh: No, you just need to read the Harry Potter books to know that.  
  
Dudley: What, He has books written after him?  
  
Harry: I do?  
  
Supreme Pre, G w/ ESP, Argh, and Purple Llama: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
::Dudley runs out of room in a temper tantrum::  
  
Dudley: I want books written about me too! MOMMY DADDY!!!!!!  
  
::Loud thud in distance::  
  
::Sudden silence::  
  
Harry: Sounds like he hit his head on the wall again.  
  
G w/ ESP: ::cringes:: OW!!  
  
Sailor Moon: Alright, what am I doing here?  
  
Argh: How the hell am I supposed to know?  
  
Sailor Moon: You are the author, Genius  
  
Argh: Oh yeah, you can go back now  
  
::Sailor Moon disappears from room::  
  
Harry: Alright, this is all well and good but, what are you doing here, and why is that damn llama purple?  
  
G w/ ESP: Be nice to the llama, and maybe when he rules the world he will be nice to you.  
  
Harry: Rules. the. world???  
  
::goes and hides in corner::  
  
Harry: O my god! An agent from Voldemort in my house!!!!!!!!!!! HELLLLLLLLLLP  
  
::runs from the room, screaming::  
  
Supreme Pre: That went well, who is this Voldemort dude?  
  
Argh: How the hell should I know?  
  
G w/ ESP: YOU ARE THE AUTHOR  
  
Argh: O yeah, well I don't have any clue who he is, so whatever.  
  
::Supreme Pre and G w/ ESP rush Argh, for being so stupid::  
  
::Llama takes up keyboard::  
  
Narrator: This Chapter has been cut short due to the unconsciencesness of the author, and her stupidity. Until next time, VOTE LLAMA FOR WORLD RULER!!!!  
  
THE END  
  
Supreme Pre: Hey, Its not over yet  
  
Llama: Yes it is  
  
G w/ ESP: Yes it is, I know because I have ESP  
  
Supreme Pre: But.  
  
Llama: Good bye for now from the world of Harry Potter 


	2. and madness ensues

Harry Potter and the Purple Llamas: Part Two  
  
Disclaimer- I own the dollar twenty-five in my pocket, the lighter in my back, and the clothes on my back. I also own Harry Potter. That's right, bitch, I am JK Rowling. I do not own Supreme Pre, The Girl W/ ESP, the purple llamas, sailor moon, or agent orange. Neither do I own Hitler, Draco, a hairbrush, a house, a castle, a television, or even a kitchen. I do not own anything illegal either, so don't bother checking my house. I also am a liar. Not for the illegal part. For the JK Rowling part. I do not own Harry Potter, as if I did, the series would be nowhere near as well known. Do not sue me, and please, forgive my insanity. NUTS TO YOU (btw I do not own either) I also own the excitable flute player at bandcamp, also known as ARGH  
  
Now, on with the insanity  
  
Several years after the last installment of the story of our hero and his relationship with our gods, we find Harry, sitting in a house, preparing for his sixth year of school. Again. Turns out Headmaster Snape was always right, he is a dumbass  
  
Girl W/ Esp- Hello Harry. How old are you now?  
  
Harry- Tweeeeeeeeennnnnnnntttttttttty  
  
Supreme Pre- Uhm... Aren't you supposed to have killed Voldie shorts by now or something?  
  
Harry- Voldie.... Shorts?  
  
Argh- Scaly guy, red eyes, evil megalomaniac?  
  
Harry- OH You mean Uncle Tom? No. He's my best friend. Lives in a cabin these days. We had tea the other night.  
  
Supreme Pre- Wait. What happened to you?  
  
Harry- When I refused to acknowledge the Purple Llamas as the Supreme Rulers of the Universe, I suffered several mysterious bumps to the head.  
  
Purple Llama- Damn right you did.  
  
Argh- Oy. So, what's going on with you now?  
  
Harry- Well, I was hoping you'd tell me. You are the author after all.  
  
Argh- Oh yeah  
  
Foamy- FREE YOUR MIND  
  
Argh- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT  
  
Girl W/ Esp- A cracked out squirrel named Foamy. I know, because I have ESP  
  
Foamy- Wait. Where am I? DID I DO IT? DID I FREE MY MIND ENOUGH?  
  
Supreme Pre- Girl W/ Esp, you faker. You may as well join Trelawney. Everyone knows he is from illwillpress.  
  
Girl W/ Esp- No.  
  
Argh- Goddamnit, be under my control. This is my story  
  
Harry- Uhm, 'scuse me but Uncle Tom is coming over with a new toy soon.  
  
Argh- Toy?  
  
Thomas Marvalo Riddle- ::singsong voice:: oh haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrryyyyyy... I have a beaut for you. A redhead this time. Please don't break her so fast, Its hard for me to get cute ones these days  
  
Argh, Supreme Pre, Girl w/ Esp- ::gasp::  
  
Tho-mas- Who are 'dey?'  
  
Harry- Delusions  
  
Supreme Pre- I AM NOT DELUSION I AM THE SUPREME DICTATOR FEEL MY WRATH  
  
Voldie- Erm...  
  
Supreme Pre ::flies mysteriously into wall::  
  
Purple Llama- FOOL. You will never rule  
  
Argh ::rolls eyes::  
  
Girl W/ Esp- My sight. Its clouded. What is going on?  
  
Super Schwartz- Well, much has happened since you last visited our world... blah blah blah de blah death blah blah blah fool blah blah blah llama blah twiddle de dee six years blah blah blah blah Dumbledore's gone blah blah blah blah Minerva is a sex slave blah blah blah blah... six hours later... and now I rule the world.  
  
Argh- Not America, you don't  
  
Riddle- Why would I want to rule America, snobbish pigs.  
  
Frodo- The ring... its so pretty... Me wants.... My precious  
  
Riddle- Where'd he come from  
  
Argh- You think I know?  
  
Harry- ::plays with new 'toy'  
  
Frodo- Aren't you the author?  
  
Argh- Psh, I gave up on that one.  
  
Snape- I reign over you with my 'snarky'-ness  
  
Argh- what is snarky? Other than the description always used for you?  
  
Snape ::shrug:: I'll be damned if I knew.  
  
Fangirls- Snape, you are so snarky.  
  
Snape- wow you have long legs. Reminds me of that Moon girl... always wore a sailor outfit  
  
Sailor Moon- RESPECT MY AUTHORITEE  
  
Harry- Uhm... yeah  
  
Argh- I'm tired  
  
God- ::Sends lightning bolt to voldie::  
  
Harry- ::dazed look on face:: Whoa! I'm twenty. What happened the last six years?  
  
Red head 'toy'- ::mumbles:: jackass, idiot, fool  
  
Argh- G'night folks 


End file.
